Soccer Physics

Soccer Physics


*intro music* Matt: What’s up everybody (Ryan: Welcome to Let’s Players anonymous.) Matt: Uh. Ryan. It’s not call- ugh! Ryan: Welcome everybody, this is soccer physics. It’s a game that you’ve most likely have seen other people play but have not seen us play. Ryan: There’s no way you’ve seen us play this game before. Matt: There is absolutely – (Ryan: Zero percent chance) – zero way you have seen us play this game. Ryan: Yeah, yeah. Unless you’re in our house behind us. (Matt: I… I don’t know) But I hope it’s unlikely. Matt: I don’t know. There’s a gate and everything we… we uh across from a park. Ryan: We did put up the child proof gate so none of you can get in. *air horn noises* Ryan: Okay. So, two players obviously. (Matt: Aaalrighty) So what are my buttons again? Matt: Uh I’m W and you’re the (Ryan: oh I’m just up) alright. Matt: Okay so I’m W and Ryan is the up arrow. So I’m red, you’re blue. Ryan: Here we go. (Matt: First to five wins, here we go.) Well I have a black guy on my team, so. Matt: Aw Jesus Christ. (Ryan: Shit!) Matt: It’s all okay, it’s all black guys now. Ryan: Diversity is on both of our sides this time. Matt: Ohp… oh my god, dammit Matt: Alright, huge goals. Here we go. (Ryan: Ohp!) I’ve got some huge goals. Really my other team.. Ryan: YES!!! (Matt: F*ck!) I just have to sit back here and watch you score. *moaning noise* Matt: Ooph… ooph!? Ryan: Suck on that! (Matt: Oh my god!) Suck on these nuts. Gothee!!! Matt: Ok Ryan, enough with the Vine humor. Ok? I can only handle so much in one day. Ryan: It’s all I have. Ryan: NO!!! F*ck. Matt: Oooh! Son, you just got – you just got soccered! *air horn noises* Matt: repeatedly saying “oh” like a seal. Matt: Oh dammit dammit! (Ryan: yes yes oh! *cough*) Matt: No god dammit! (Ryan: Yes! I’m just not doing sh*t over here I’m just watching this masterpiece.) Matt: Small goals. Matt: UH pah! Matt: Small goals. (Ryan: F*ck you! F*ck you! F*ck you!) *Matt returns back in to a seal momentarily* Matt: Okay, let’s see, let’s see let’s see. BOOF Ryan: Oh my god! (Matt: I’m, I’m going to bring this to an even tie.) Angry Ryan: F*ck off! Matt: Oh. (Ryan: Yes!!!) No. No. No. No. What even! Ryan: Looks like I won that round. (Matt: Ok good job Ryan. But) Ryan: You little b*tch. (Matt: Let’s take it to the rematch) Ryan: Little b*tch. Little b*tch. (Matt: Ryan) Little b*tch. (Alright stop!) Is it reminding you of home too much? (YES!) Matt: Love you dad (*Ryan laughs* He doesn’t love you) Matt: Alright that was a little too uh. (Ryan: That is actually true your dad doesn’t love you, right?) Matt *getting annoyed* Yes Ryan, my dad doesn’t love me. (Ryan: No, no, no. It’s not. It’s this weird dynamic where your dad happens to just not love you.) Ryan: It’s not like he hates you, it’s not like he’s just a bad dad. He just didn’t have that connection with you or something. Matt: Ryan this is just… eh… not the time to talk about this. (Ryan: Eh just f*ck you.) Matt: And now I’m going to get this in your goal. (Ryan: F*ck off! Scissor me timbers, dude.) Matt: Oh my god. Are you f*cking kidding me!? (*Ryan giggles*) Why? Why like you aren’t even doing anything. Ryan: Nope! As I said I just sit back and watch. Come here. (Matt: Ooph ooph boop! Oh!) Ryan: Come here. (Matt: F*cking! Oh my god) Here we go! (Son of a b*tch!) *Ryan laughs* You are so self…you’re just self destructive. Matt: I’m like, I’m like that kid that plays foosball and knocks it into his own goal. Ryan: No, you’re the kid who plays foosball, like, by himself. Matt: In church youth group, everyone is hanging out and I’m playing foosball by myself. Ryan: In church youth group I was too busy, uh, loving on the lord. Matt: Well I was doing some of that too Ryan. (Ryan: Well I love the lord more than you Matt.) Matt: No, Ryan I love God more! (Ryan: I – no, no, no, you don’t love God more. You LOVED God more.) Ryan: NO, NO, NO, I LOVED God more. I see you trying to trick me. Matt: No, Ryan I I loved God more than you ever did. And in fact (Ryan: Why are we shirtless and headless?) Matt: That’s what all the kids are into these days. Matt: Now in fact Ryan I uh. (Ryan: F*ck you.) God loves me more than he loves you, so (F*ck!) Matt: Actually I think we have a quote from God. Uh, actually, can we pull that up on the screen? Matt: There it is. It says, uh, “I love Matt more.” – God Ryan: On his official Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. As you can see here. Matt: Ah, that’s nice. That’s nice. Thanks God. *Ryan screams F*ck* *Matt claps* Matt: Oh look who’s winning! *Monkey calls* (Ryan whines) Matt: Oh god dammit Ryan! Ryan: Well that was. Wait what’s going on? (Matt: No heads.) Matt: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Matt: Ok how are we playing soccer with no heads? I don’t understand. Ryan: The head is… uh… Matt: For these levels they should have just made the ball be the head. (Ryan: F*ck! F*ck) Ryan: There’s no way! Matt: Red wins, Ryan. Sorry there’s no uh. (Ryan: This is the tie breaker.) Matt: Alright (Both: This is the tie breaker) Ryan: Winner wins all! Matt: Alright. Let’s do it. Let’s do it. Ready? (*Ryan mumbles something*) Matt: First to five wins. Here we go baby. Ryan: F*cking! Matt: Wow that was… alright here we go. Ooph! Matt: Oh sh*it! *Ryan cheers* Yeeess! *Matt start’s fuming* Aw that was an incredible goal! Matt: Small goals like Ryan’s… like Ryan’s life and aspirations. Ryan: To work with you, yeah. Matt: Ryan? Ryan: Dude get that ball! (Matt: I’m gonna let it come back. It’s gonna come back. It’s coming back and I’m gonna! Ryan: Give us the ball dude. (Matt: What the f*ck?!) Give us the ball , dude *laughing* Ryan: Woo! (Matt: You doing a hand stand on top of the goal.) Matt: American. (Ryan: Is something whining in the background?) Yeah it’s the, it’s the stupid dog. Ryan: You know that’s my dog. (Matt: Oh that’s your dog? I’m sorry.) Probably because he misses daddy. (Aww) Matt: I miss daddy too. (Ryan: F*ck you!) To be honest I, I – oh my god. Matt: Slippery? (Ryan: Oh it’s snowing? NO!! F*ck!) *Matt Claps and laughs* Matt: Small goals plus American. Woo Matt: Ooph aw sh*t. Wow. Slippery plus American. These sound like porn categories. Matt: Alright here we go. Matt: Here we go. Here we go. (Ryan: God dammit!) Matt: Looks like we know who’s gonna win this one, Ryan! (Ryan: God I’m sliding away from it. Sliding doesn’t. What?) Ryan: Is this moon, like, gravity mode? Matt: Ryan this could be the one that ends the whole game and I win. Matt: I, I could’ve hit it right then and it probably would’ve won but I was too busy talking myself up. Matt: Aw what? *More of Matt’s Monkey Cheering* *Both “Oh my god! Oh my god!”* Ryan: Okay you win. You win this one. Matt: Okay I win this one. (Ryan: Funny boy.) Matt: Alright guys so that was soccer physics. Very fun ah little game. You can go play it online so go search it on Google play and have a good time. Ryan: Yeah just go to uh www. Ryan: Sorry, sorry. http uh uh : // www. uh *outro music*

100 thoughts on “Soccer Physics

  1. Im the only one awake right now in the house (its midnight) and I thought those whimpering sounds in the background were in MY house and I had a panic attack thanks guys lmao

  2. "god loves me more than he loves you" anyone think of Brendon Urie singing "JEEEESUS LOVES ME MORE THAN HE LOOVES YOOOU" in a periscope

  3. Could you guys please use a face camera I think it would be funnier if we could see the expression on your faces as the fill with rage…I'm…im sorry <3 ~Kyra

  4. Wait, you put up the child proof gate? THAT MEANS YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE! Have fun in your prison together while I go play foosball by myself at youth group again…

  5. Hahaha! Great first game choice! I love Kids w/ Problems and I know I will love this channel too. One day you will be as good as Mark!

  6. Your child proof gate can't contain me. I am an adult, you would have to use extreme measures to keep me out. Like fire, a lock, a restraining order, or just a tall gate because I'm short…and I couldn't climb over it…. I'll find a way; I always do. 😎🔥

  7. FACECAM!!! you might not think it does, but it makes a huge difference, as a viewer I feel seeing the persons face adds a element of bonding to the overall experience. This is the first video I've seen from you guys and overall it seems very well done. My only criticism is that you guys need a camera and maybe your channel design could use a little pimpification but otherwise you guys are doing brilliant, and BTW if you guys are actually reading this by some slim chance, Daniel would be super proud of your guys progress.

  8. I'll have you know I'm a strong 6 years old and I will hop right over that child proof gate with only a 40% chance of falling and scraping my knee

  9. HahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahah2019HahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahbazingaHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahahHahahahahahah

  10. i'm sorry..
    i'm a mistake..
    i'm annoying..
    i know i should die..
    it's obvious..
    i'll leave..
    i'll try to find another way to cope that isn't cutting myself..
    i'll try talking to people..
    because i'm sorry..
    i want to be forgiven..
    i'll try..
    i'll try cause i know people will care if i'm me..
    i'll try cause i know i can be forgiven..
    i'll try cause i'm sorry..
    i'll try cause my idols, friends and family wouldn't want me to..
    i'll try cause i don't want anymore pain..

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